On Trying to Quantify the Awesomeness of Pizza


Measuring the thickness at the highest and lowest points (0.748 and 0.543 inches, respectively) to calculate the average thickness of the cornicione, or "end crust." Here, 0.6455 inches.


Toward a bold new horizon of pizza upskirting.

Today my set of digital calipers came in the mail from Amazon. I have to say, despite this post's title, there really is no way to QUANTIFY THE AWESOMENESS OF PIZZA. It's like trying to know the unknowable. Pizza is awesome. Accept it. Go with it.

But, because people loooovvveeee numbers, and because I do, too, I thought it would be fun to try adding thickness data to Slice reviews.

I went out at lunch and grabbed a Slice from New York Pizza Suprema to put my new toy through its paces.

It's clear that I'm going to need another Slicehead with me to take the picture or hold the calipers. It's rather awkward doing it all myself.

The bonus here, though, is that the calipers came with a rather handy case, nestled in die-cut packing foam. And I might be able to cut out an extra compartment in the packing foam to hold a miniature pizza cutter. If that's the case, I'll have a handy little field kit for examining pies in the wild.

As you can see, I'm also experimenting with a new way to upskirt a slice. A long time ago, super blogger Anil Dash suggested I scan slices of pizza like this. I never wanted to mess up my scanner. But seeing as how this was Serious Eats's scanner ...

Hah hah. Just kidding. At first I lined our office scanner with plastic wrap, but you could see the wrinkles in the scan. I saw that the pizza wasn't too messy, so I just scanned it naked for the first of my super upskirt shots.



20080415-crapscan.jpgUnfortunately, I think the scanner tried to autocorrect this image. Here, I think the scanner saw that the slice edge wasn't parallel to the scanner edge and that it automatically rotated, cropped, and zoomed at some point. (See my crappy sketch at right if you're not picking up on what I'm puttin' down.)

I'm still undecided on what to call these. "HD upskirts"? "Ultra upskirts?"

If anyone has a brilliant idea that still incorporates "upskirt," drop me a line.