Pizza Obsessives: Seriouspizza

Pizza Obsessives

Slice interviews with folks who are mad about pizza.

Today's Pizza Obsessives Q&A features frequent Slice commenter seriouspizza. You might think you know him from the comments. But you ain't seen nothin' yet. —The Mgmt.

Name: seriouspizza
Location: About 4,300 miles from a decent pizzeria
Occupation: Part Time Pizzaiolo.Full Time Antagonist
Website: I'll use yours.
[Do you have a photo we can run?] You're fucking joking.

What type of pizza do you prefer?

Neapolitan. The proper type.

The Pizza Cognition Theory states that "the first slice of pizza a child sees and tastes ... becomes, for him, pizza." Do you remember your first slice? Where was it from, is the place still around, and if so, does it hold up? On that note, has your taste in pizza evolved over time?

I agree. My first pizza was a pizza, not a slice, in the Santa Lucia area of Naples (mid '70's). I could never find it again. I look every time I return. It's like my first-ever girlfriend, infected me and fucked off. That stays with you for life.

My tastes remain steadfast.I know what I like and how it should be. That's why I'm such an opinionated cunt.

What's your favorite topping or topping combination?

A perfect Margherita needs no further adornment.

Where do you go for pizza in your area?

I don't. All that Munchmobile shit you blog about is nonsense. I used to go to UPN in Point Pleasant occasionally, always hoping he would find his "sweet spot," but I never did. I've given up trying. I'll buy the odd slice for my wife anywhere local; she's not concerned about it like me.

Do you make pizza at home? If so, how? What recipes do you use?

Yes. Hand-built wood-fired oven. Typical "00" flour, water, salt, yeast. I've dabbled with starters, but don't do it enough to maintain a healthy offspring.

What's most important to you: crust, sauce, or cheese?

They are all equally important. Have you ever had a hooker take her wig off before you split? It's a huge fucking letdown. EVERYTHING is important or don't get into it.

Anything you'd like to get off your chest?

Yeah... I coined the phrase "leoparding," and I abhor the term "upskirt." I promise never to use it again if you do the same.

What one thing should NEVER go on a pizza?

Don't get me started... Anything that's not listed as an ingredient for THAT pizza on the menu... and some of the abortions being created by people who you would think should know better.

Weirdest pizza you've ever eaten?

I don't eat weird shit. There's enough decent stuff without upsetting my metabolism.

What's the farthest you've traveled for pizza?

About 4,301 miles.

[If you have anything else you'd like to include, feel free to make up question(s) to ask yourself.]

How much do you make a year for the shit you write?

Is it true Ed Levine has got a tattoo of UPN on his ass?

When will Slice officially be renamed "The Paulie Gee Pizzeria Promotional"?

[Now: Who would you like to see interviewed next?]

I don't fucking care just as long as it's not another ass-kissing frenzy between a blogger and the next big thing........Oh!......... and Dan Lepard.

(And: my bonus question is...)

Who do I admire in the Industry?

Anthony Mangieri. The night I moved to 2nd Avenue and 10th in '89 there was a shoot-out between some rival drug dealers; the police moved in and the area started to get cleaned up. Years later a couple of blocks north, a $24 crackpizza dealer had everyone hooked until a bunch of others hit the scene, undercut his prices, and flooded the market (largely with shit, I'm told?). Quickly, he sussed the game was over, sold up, and split before he got busted. If only I had balls as big as his.........I should be hooking up jumper cables.

Jim Lahey: Because sometimes his pizza is not round........... He appears resolutely phlegmatic. Steven Wright with dough on his hands. I guess people like a laugh?

If there are folks you'd like to see get the Q&A treatment, let us know. Email [email protected] with your nomination.