Pizza Girl: Crazy Delivery Stories


[Photograph: Adam Kuban]

Whenever someone new finds out that I deliver pizza, the first thing they usually ask is, "What's your craziest delivery story?" I don't have too many, but here are the ones I usually go with:

  • I once had a very drunk dude shout "I love you" as I walked away after giving him his pizza
  • I have seen one penis. The guy had some boxer shorts on with a rip in them. I tried hard not to look
  • Some young teenage girls thought it'd be cute if they answered the door in underwear. I could hear them squealing all the way from the driveway when they realized that instead of a pizza dude it was me delivering them pizza. I don't know exactly what they expected, maybe some guy to be bumbling at the door, offer them free pizza, flirt. Maybe they just wanted to be the objects of some guy's "craziest delivery" story
  • I have been explicitly hit on once. That guy was very drunk. I told him he already knew exactly how to get in touch with me, just order a pizza
  • I called the cops once on a domestic dispute
  • I delivered to a guy who I was warned was "extremely belligerent" and possibly dangerous. He was overly subdued when I got there but between the time I left his apartment and when I got back to the store he had called back three times yelling. One of those times he demanded that we deliver him nothing but bacon

More than my own stories, which are pretty mild, I'd like to hear other people's delivery stories. Got any?