What's Up in Pizza: NYTimes Declares Pizza 'Meh,' Which Pizza Would Be Your Lover, and More!


[Photograph: Thought Catalog]

It's a question I'm sure at least some of us have idly pondered while deep in moments of pizza bliss. I, for one, found myself meditating on it after being taunted if-you-love-it-so-much-why-don't-you-marry-it style. Like, let's just say for a minute you could get together with a hot slice...which one would it be? Which one would treat you right??

The folks over at Thought Catalog obviously read my mind, because they've come up with a list of seven types of pizza that would make great lovers (if they were people). Who makes the list? DiGiorno ("As a human, DiGiorno would be like the ultimate stay at home boyfriend/girlfriend"), Little Caesar's ("You'd call Little Caesars HOT-N-READY pizzas at 2am on weekends when you're feeling lonely, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'd like, put 'In A Relationship With Little Caesars' on Facebook or something"), and cheap NY-style slices ("You would hold on tight to this person and consider yourself lucky to have found an affordable, scrumptious significant other").

In other news, what could you possibly not know about Pizza Hut at this point? According to Daily Finance, exactly four things.

  1. A Maryland based Pizza Hut received a 1989 order from Barbara Bush to deliver the first ever White House pie, for a pizza party being thrown for her "Reading is Fundamental" program.
  2. What's in a name? Pizza Hut is the first chain pizza restaurant named after a building, and that building is the humble, somewhat hut-esque, Wichita-based brick abode where the Hut got it's start—the founding brothers were given 8 or 9 letters of free signage from a local Coca-Cola distributor.
  3. We've been talking a lot about pizza in space these days, but Pizza Hut actually lays claim to the first ever extraterrestrial pie (no simple delivery, obviously—the stunt required a year of preparation).
  4. Avid Slice readers might already know this one, but Pizza Hut was also the first chain to receive an online order—in 1994, their digital ordering system "PizzaNet" accepted an order for a large pie with pepperoni, mushrooms, and extra cheese.

Finally...if you missed it, this past weekend the New York Times' One-Page Magazine's "Meh List" featured pizza. That's right—they supposedly declared pizza "meh", along with the likes of "spin class" and banal pleasantries about the weather. Obviously backlash was immediate and intense, but in a follow-up post from yesterday, the writers actually defended their choice. Theoretically, we're supposed to believe that the fact that children like pizza (a la Chuck. E. Cheese), it means WE shouldn't like pizza—"You liked pizza when you were 5, because pizza—like anything a 5-year-old likes (baseball cards, shoe-tying, garbage trucks)—is inherently meh."

Some more inflammatory quotes "Good, but rarely great; fine, but seldom bad...The categorical error New Yorkers make is mistaking ubiquity for superiority, much as certain Californians do with pot." I don't even know where to begin...I think it's safe to say that this is something you need to read for yourselves, and then—please—debate here in full.