Slice
Pizza, Pickles, Presidents
It's a leap year, which means vapid electoral speculation takes on its quadrennial presidential proportion. While the full-blown vituperation that marks most campaigns is still in the on-deck circle, the insipid image-shaping is well under way.
Perhaps this was inevitable, but John Tierney's column in Sunday's New York Times pondered, among other things, food superlatives for President George W. Bush and the presumptive Democratic nominee, John F. Kerry.
Under the headline "Shopping For A President," Mr. Tierney opens with a scintillating interrogative: "If George W. Bush were a food, what would he be, and what kind of shoppers would be putting him in their carts?" The answer, at least the one according to experimental psychologist Howard Moskowitz, caught Slice a bit off guard.
"Bush reminds me of pizza: variations on a theme," Mr. Moskowitz said. "Someone who will eat one kind of frozen pizza will eat most other kinds."
Since we at Slice have labored many hours pontificating on the poetry of pizza—which we view as a peaceful coalition uniting delicate yet piquant flavors—the first sentence left our editorial board a little mystified. But the second part mollifies us somewhat. After all, frozen pizza comprises fake ingredients presented as authentic ones.
But Mr. Bush can yet prove otherwise. In less than three months, he will lead the Republican Party in its occupation of New York. The Slice staff would welcome any attempt he and his coalition made at defeating the frozen- and chain-pizza hegemons by patronizing one of Gotham's many fine pizza establishments. We even promise fair and balanced coverage of any such event.
As for the food with which Mr. Kerry is aligned, Mr. Moskowitz said he'll pick a pack of pickles. "Some people like high-impact pickles; others hate them and like a pickle with a mild crunch. You can't please people by giving everyone a middle-of-the-road pickle." How true. A voracious consumer of kosher sour pickles since the Nixon administration, I can attest to this stodgy vegetable's polarizing perception. Even we fans will admit it isn't the most attractive delicacy at the deli counter. But after a bite or two, it becomes easier to appreciate the many possibilities packed within the pungent pickle. Especially when one compares it with frozen pizza.
This got us to thinking about what other foods we would include in our political shopping cart. Former President Bill Clinton would probably be bubble gum. Check, please!
Perhaps this is good time to remind our readers: It's only a democracy if we make it one. Register to vote, and mark your calendars.