Slice
Slice, the Perfect Food
It should come as no surprise to you that I've often fantasized about owning my own pizzeria. I've thought about the layout, design, atmosphere, type of oven I'd use, and what I'd name the place. Like my favorite pizzaioli, I'd craft pies that first pleased myself, confident that customers would in turn find them pleasing and come in droves.
But to paraphrase Honest Abe, you can't please all of the people all of the time. I've taken that into consideration when I find myself, in a daydream, behind the counter of my imaginary pizzeria. For instance, my pizzeria does not serve a vegan-friendly pie. In fact, I take great pleasure in turning away imaginary customers:
Vegan: Um, I don't see a vegan slice on your menu?
Me: Keen eyes. You must be eatin' your carrots. Next!
Health Nut: Yeah, lemme get a whole-wheat slice with …
Me: Next!
Wheat-Allergy Sufferer: Do you offer a wheat-free crust?
Me: No pizza for you! Next!
It's not that I don't like vegans, health nuts, or food-allergy sufferers—some of my best friends fall into one or more of those categories—it's just that my pizzeria serves my ideal pizza. And it's a chimera of a pie that somehow combines Di Fara's three-cheese zinginess with the crisp-chewy coal-fired crusts of New York pizza's founding fathers.
Anyone who knows me, however, knows I'm more softie than Soup Nazi, so, in reality, I'd politely refer those customers to another pizzeria. And that pizzeria would be Slice the Perfect Food (henceforth "STPF" to avoid confusion with this weblog).
Though Slice the Pefect Weblog gives Slice the Perfect Food a tip of the hat, blogger Twenty Bucks a Day had a recent experience with the place that left him giving it a wag of the finger:
... Like its spiritual (if not gastronomical) predecessor, the California Pizza Kitchen, STPF throws the whole lot of tradition out the window in favor of the idea of pizza – a baked crust with sauce and the occasional cheese sighting, where seemingly any topping is fair game. As an additional affront to pizza traditionalists, STPF (located at 1413 2nd Av.) claims to concentrate on the organic and restricted-diet-enabling side of the ingredient spectrum – the cheeses available, for example, start out at a relatively straightforward organic mozzarella, but move along to the lactose-intolerant-friendly goat cheese, soy mozzarella, and rice mozzarella. There is a gluten-free crust available, too, which makes the availability of whole-wheat crust seem downright normal. ...
Thirty-five minutes or so later, the [delivery] pie arrived, and the disappointment began. The crust was tough as nails, a fact not aided by the pizza having cooled substantially from its removal from the oven. While the cheese-and-sauced portions were fine, if bland, we frequently discarded bits of the outer rim of crust. Yes, the pie was good enough to finish, but if it had been any colder, we would have had to reheat it (it would have been tough in a standard-sized oven, too – the pies are rectangular).
Twenty's story continues, detailing the long strange trip that a mysterious (and unordered) second pie made to his apartment. Click over to his site to read the rest: This "Slice" Is Far from Perfect
Slices and pies range from "Dunce" to "Genius," becoming more expensive as you get more learnin'.—$3.50 a slice/$18 a pie for a bruschetta-like "Dunce" to $24 for a "Master." (A build-your-own "Genius" pie starts at $20, and toppings bump the price quickly.)
I'm kicking myself now for not going whole hog and trying a spelt-pesto-rice mozz option. That would have been the true test of tastiness and edibility from a traditional pizza-lover's standpoint and would have been more helpful for you, the reader. I was ready to take the leap but, when faced with the mildly bewildering menu, ended up getting flustered and ordered an "Expert" slice (herbed crust, marinara sauce, grilled organic rosemary chicken and basil) and a build-your-own that came as close as I could get to a traditional plain slice (herbed crust, marinara, and organic mozzarella). On a previous visit, I tried a similar "plain slice," but with a sundried tomato marinara sauce.
The makeshift plain slice I sampled the first night was actually quite tasty, with creamy, almost buttery mozzarella and a hit of tanginess from that sundried tomato. The plain slice I tried on the second visit (left) didn't stack up to the first: It was a little overdone and the cheese didn't have the smooth meltiness of the initial visit.
The crust, which looks parbaked (you'll see a little stack of ready-and-waiting rectangles on the make table in front of the oven) was crisp and golden brown on the bottom. When you order, STPF takes either a whole crust or slice from the stack, tops it to your liking, and gives it all a bake in the oven. The sliced crusts were reminiscent of pita bread in both thickness and appearance. Because STPF cuts its triangular slices into yet a smaller series of slices (left), I wasn't able to assess foldability, but my guess is that it's not built for folding. It falls more on the crisp end of the crisp-chewy continuum, probably due to the re-bake.
The rosemary chicken slice (right) was also good, with surprisingly moist meat and a pleasant char. Like the plain slice, freshness was in ample supply in all ingredients. I tried a subslice of BeeBee's soy-mozzarella slice. She chose the pesto option for sauce. Her thinking was that its basil would make up for any blandness the soy cheese might have. It was a wise option. Tasting it alone, the soy mozzarella seemed more useful as a visual and textural component than a flavor-enhancing one.
Judged on its own terms, STPF hits the mark. Would I eat there on a regular basis if I lived on the Upper East Side? No. My allegiance is with a more traditional New York–style pizza, and I'd likely look elsewhere. But I have no reservations about recommending it to people looking for a healthier good-for-you pie.
Was resident lactophobe BeeBee happy with it? Yes. From an instant messenger exchange the next day:
NYCSlice: Yo, BB: Any sickness to report? From the pizza, that is. Not the drinkin' you did afterward ;)
BB: none. i'm tellin' ya, i've seen the light: tasty pizza that doesn't make me sick. just wish it wasn't all the way up on the UES...
You catch that, Slice Perfect? Planning a second location? BeeBee lives in the Village.
Now, about that name ...
Slice
Location: 1413 Second Ave., New York NY 10021 (b/n 73rd and 74th streets)
Phone: 212-249-4353
Cost: Many options, too complex to figure; consult the menu
Payment: Cash and plastic
This "Slice" Is Far from Perfect [Twenty Bucks a Day]
Pizzas for All, Be They Dunces or Geniuses [New York Times]