It's been little things building. Hangovers after two beers, increasing instances of heartburn, a newfound appreciation for Billy Joel. But I think I officially became old on Monday when I admitted I was scared of teenagers.
But, so far, only when I'm carrying pizza on the subway.
Returning from Motorino on Monday with a Margherita pizza for the office, I was traveling by subway just as school let out. Boisterous clusters of teenagers roamed the streets and gathered on the subway platforms belowground.
And all I could think of was how one of these kids might start something with me—demanding a slice or simply knocking the box from below, lunch-tray-bully style.
What I'm afraid will happen to my pizza.
When I got back to Slice–Serious Eats HQ and expressed this fear aloud, Ed Levine here thought my worries were ludicrous.
"What? Not your iPod, not your cell phone, not your laptop—you're worried that of all the things you could be mugged for, they're going to take your pizza?"
Yes. Mugged by teenagers. Or panhandlers.
For my pizza.
The way I see it, a pizza-carrying straphanger is a high-value target to both demographics. The stereotypical teen loves pizza and is always hungry (they're still growing, after all), and panhandlers are typically asking for money to buy food (so why not cut out the middleman and simply grab a slice?).
And that's why I hate carrying pizza on the train. I mean, I hate carrying food on the train, but pizza especially. There's no way to conceal what you're carrying. And if the pizza's hot and loaded with lots of high-quality Parmigiano, its aroma wafts through the car, tempting passengers.
The Solution, Sort Of
I've developed a bit of a strategy for dealing—if I can get a seat. As long as I'm carrying my messenger bag with me, I can sit, place the pizza box on my lap, and simply sling the bag over it, disguising the box a bit. And this is actually the easiest configuration for stacking all that cargo anyway.
This protects me from teenagers, but I probably still have a bit of a soft heart when it comes to panhandlers. I'm afraid I probably would give up my pizza if a homeless person asked, and thus, no pizza for the office and none to scan for a C.R.U.S.T.™ analysis.
Ed is probably right. I shouldn't fear a pizza mugging. The teenagers on the streets and in the subway seemed more concerned with flirting and gossiping. I was their age once. I know what they're thinking: "The last thing that weird, fat old dude needs is more pizza."
I think Ed needs to buy you an insulated pizza bag. Then you'll just look like you are carrying some business work. Plus it might minimize the smell radius.
Adam, dont forget, even if it is a DiFara's pie,or Patsy's or Motorino...give up the slice...No matter how good it is or how hungry you are...give up the pie.ck
Oh my lord, that is too funny!!!!! Haha, but you know delivery guys get mugged all the time for food and money, so I guess your fears are somewhat reasonable.
I have a similar story. Once I bought some jars of curry and Indian pickles and then went to a bar. I hid the plastic bag behind my chair, but all night I kept worrying someone would steal my Indian goodies. At one point when someone reached down to get their coat, I said out loud, "Oh no, my curry!" I think my friends thought I was crazy.
This is a very reasonable fear, although the crime is of low probability, it’s far more likely than a cell phone etc mugging.
The reason is that a cell phone mugger is a real criminal, while a pizza mugger could come from the far larger group of bullies just trying to get cred with their peers, guys who would never consider a “real” criminal act.
Think about it. Grab a pizza as you get off the train, you then share it with a bunch of your friends. Can’t do that with a stolen cell phone.
Why have I thought this out? Because yesterday I traveled an hour on 3 trains with a Motorino pizza, was noticed by just about everyone, and was definitely checked out closely by every homeless guy and by several teenagers. The first train I got on, when the pizza was hot and announced itself with its aroma, was filled with teenagers who’d obviously just left school. As I stepped in the car, someone yelled “Pizza!” and dozens of teenagers turned to look directly at me.
My solution (in addition to disguising it as best as possible)? Next time I’ll wait until the pizza cools before traveling, and take buses if I can. But taking a good pizza home is still well worth the small risk.
roflmao @ bionicgrrrl. I don't think I've ever been afraid of being mugged for pizza or that, although a week or two ago, I was going home after a visit to Murray's and I kept thinking "omg, I can't believe I just spent $40 on cheese, and I'm making the whole subway smell, and everyone is looking at me, and someone is going TO TAKE MY CHEESE"
PS I've been afraid of teenagers for a long time, I am super old huh? One of them hit me on the train once (on purpose)... I think I just have the "Pick on meeeee" look though.
The only time I could relate was when I was carrying a brand new PS3 on the subway uptown from union square. My buddy from Philly who had just moved in town, says "What, I thought the city was safe?". Nothing is safe, especially if it's worth some money. But honestly, pizza? I wouldn't worry about teenagers, maybe the half sleeping crackhead who's coming off of a four day binge without food. He, I might worry about.
You call Graham and Devo a "pizza-starved part of Williamsburg"?
Come on! You should get your facts straight. There is Carmine's and Tony's only 1 1/2 blocks away, there is Sal's on Lorimer...maybe not to your gentrif(r)ied liking but I can assure you--people eat plenty of pizza in his neighborhood.
that being said I definitely will try Motorino.
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8 Comments:
I think Ed needs to buy you an insulated pizza bag. Then you'll just look like you are carrying some business work. Plus it might minimize the smell radius.
Asado at 8:40PM on 10/22/08
Adam, dont forget, even if it is a DiFara's pie,or Patsy's or Motorino...give up the slice...No matter how good it is or how hungry you are...give up the pie.ck
L.A. Pizza Maven at 9:22PM on 10/22/08
@Adam You really needn't worry. Even teenagers know that the only way to eat good pizza is right out of the oven.
Ciao,
Paulie Gee
pauliegee at 9:38PM on 10/22/08
Oh my lord, that is too funny!!!!! Haha, but you know delivery guys get mugged all the time for food and money, so I guess your fears are somewhat reasonable.
I have a similar story. Once I bought some jars of curry and Indian pickles and then went to a bar. I hid the plastic bag behind my chair, but all night I kept worrying someone would steal my Indian goodies. At one point when someone reached down to get their coat, I said out loud, "Oh no, my curry!" I think my friends thought I was crazy.
bionicgrrrl at 1:28AM on 10/23/08
This is a very reasonable fear, although the crime is of low probability, it’s far more likely than a cell phone etc mugging.
The reason is that a cell phone mugger is a real criminal, while a pizza mugger could come from the far larger group of bullies just trying to get cred with their peers, guys who would never consider a “real” criminal act.
Think about it. Grab a pizza as you get off the train, you then share it with a bunch of your friends. Can’t do that with a stolen cell phone.
Why have I thought this out? Because yesterday I traveled an hour on 3 trains with a Motorino pizza, was noticed by just about everyone, and was definitely checked out closely by every homeless guy and by several teenagers. The first train I got on, when the pizza was hot and announced itself with its aroma, was filled with teenagers who’d obviously just left school. As I stepped in the car, someone yelled “Pizza!” and dozens of teenagers turned to look directly at me.
My solution (in addition to disguising it as best as possible)? Next time I’ll wait until the pizza cools before traveling, and take buses if I can. But taking a good pizza home is still well worth the small risk.
Hojo at 11:40AM on 10/23/08
roflmao @ bionicgrrrl. I don't think I've ever been afraid of being mugged for pizza or that, although a week or two ago, I was going home after a visit to Murray's and I kept thinking "omg, I can't believe I just spent $40 on cheese, and I'm making the whole subway smell, and everyone is looking at me, and someone is going TO TAKE MY CHEESE"
PS I've been afraid of teenagers for a long time, I am super old huh? One of them hit me on the train once (on purpose)... I think I just have the "Pick on meeeee" look though.
feistyfoodie at 11:47AM on 10/23/08
The only time I could relate was when I was carrying a brand new PS3 on the subway uptown from union square. My buddy from Philly who had just moved in town, says "What, I thought the city was safe?". Nothing is safe, especially if it's worth some money. But honestly, pizza? I wouldn't worry about teenagers, maybe the half sleeping crackhead who's coming off of a four day binge without food. He, I might worry about.
JustinH at 12:03PM on 10/23/08
You call Graham and Devo a "pizza-starved part of Williamsburg"?
Come on! You should get your facts straight. There is Carmine's and Tony's only 1 1/2 blocks away, there is Sal's on Lorimer...maybe not to your gentrif(r)ied liking but I can assure you--people eat plenty of pizza in his neighborhood.
that being said I definitely will try Motorino.
missmacro at 6:58PM on 10/24/08