Clicking in to the Slice inbox this morning, we've got a dispatch from the front lines of the mechpizza wars. It comes to use from Dustin M., who has written for us about the Flatbread Company in Maine and Aperitivo in Midtown Manhattan. —The Mgmt.
Hey Adam, Here is my true pizza confession from this past weekend...
So this past Saturday afternoon I found myself deep in Queens having to take care of a few issues with the ex-lady's car (long story). And on top of that, I also had to pick her up at LGA a little bit later on (yeah, I know, I know ... I'm a sucker). And being that I was relatively close to LGA already, I decided it was time to explore Northern Boulevard for some grub to pass the time.
So I'm driving along the Bully (usually reserved for Queens Boulevard, but whatever), when I notice a sign that I knew quite well growing up. It was a Chuck E. Cheese's. Boom. Bamn. Thank you Ma'am.
I remember their pizza very fondly and always had a thing for their sweet sauce. I was genuinely excited about my little adventure, completely ignoring the fact that I was about to walk into a Chuck E. Cheese's as a single 29-year-old man with no children with him whatsoever. I have no doubts that security was watching me from the moment I stepped in there.
Anyway, as expected on a Saturday afternoon, the place was an absolute zoo. The lady directed me to the pizza counter after I told her I was here strictly for the pizza. I ordered a straight-up large cheese pizza all for myself (à la Home Alone). To my semi-delight, after I paid the guy behind the counter for the pizza, a bunch of game tokens popped out of the register as well. He handed me my change, the tokens, and a little number thingie to place on my table so they know where the pizza is going.
I walked around the joint a few times and realized these were not exactly the video games for 29-year-old dudes, so I just grabbed a table and just sat and waited eagerly for the pizza.
After about 20 minutes of observing the madness (and lots of cute mothers), a man showed up with my pie. I rubbed my hands together and licked my lips and grabbed my first slice ... and ... it was terrible. Really crappy, in fact, and I went from about 100 mph to a puttering 15 in about 1.2 seconds.
The sauce was still good like I remember, but there was just one problem with that ... there was barely any of it there. It was mainly just really crappy cheese on even crappier dough. Balderdash!
Still, I somehow managed to shove half the pie down, wrapped up the rest for humility's sake, and walked out of there feeling defeated. On a bright note, I did hand off my tokens to a lovely gal and her little son, so it wasn't a complete loss.
The leftovers never had a chance, and I rectified my mistake as best as I knew how—for lunch on Sunday I went to Motorino and for dinner I went to Artichoke. YUM!
But, yeah, this has been my true pizza confession and you're the only guy I could turn to and admit what I had done, since you might understand at least the logic in place when I made the decision ;-) —Dustin
Sorry to hear about your break-up. Is this the same "lady" who accompanied you to Flatbread Company?
Also sorry to hear about your Chuck E. experience. Sometimes it's better to let sleeping pies lie. Fond recollections are often undone by revisiting the past. That's been my experience with some once-favorite pizzerias back home in Kansas City (and with a recent go-round with a Chef Boyardee Pizza Kit).
Though you did follow the procedure I like to call the "pizza override." It's like the eyewash station in school science labs. Motorino was a great choice. Not so sure about Artichoke these days. How was it?
Anyway, just glad you didn't get arrested at CEC's. It took guts to go in there as an unaccompanied 29-year-old male. Next time, borrow a friend's kid.
Actually, Artichoke was great. The crust isn't as thick as it used to be, making the whole ordeal easier to put down. The ingredients are still money in the bank, although I should disclose that it probably tasted even better to me since I had already had a few pints in me.
And yes, this was the same lady that accompanied me at Flatbread. She's still my best friend though, so it's cool.
I've been to that very CEC's and had the pie. I have kids and have had "pizza" at most of the major kid attractions in the 5 boros and they are all bad (note the quotes). At one point I was considering a Slice write-up of how bad the pizza really is at most of the places kids love to go on a Saturday afternoon. I didn't do it for fear of sullying my own reputation as a pizza snob and for fear that Adam would ban me from the site at the mere mention of such heresy.
I never liked their food...I just liked their video games. It's not like I was a foodie as a kid either. My favorite childhood pizza was Papa John's (and yes, I still like Papa John's, though obviously it's not my favorite anymore). I used to get the hot dog...not because it was a good hot dog, mind you, but because there was less food to get down before I could play video games. Not that long ago I took my little cousin there. I forgot my rule and figured I was hungry and ordered a large BBQ chicken pizza. Bleh! What a mistake. I think she liked it though...or maybe she just ate fast so she could play video games too.
Every time I read something about Chuck E. Cheese it's always about some violence that happened there. People have speculated that's because at a kid's party divorced parents both show up and one thing leads to another. Combine that possibility with tons of screaming kids. Wow, you are one brave man.
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So this past Saturday afternoon I found myself deep in Queens having to take care of a few issues with the ex-lady's car (long story). And on top of that, I also had to pick her up at LGA a little bit later on (yeah, I know, I know ... I'm a sucker). And being that I was relatively close to LGA already, I decided it was time to explore Northern Boulevard for some grub to pass the time.
7 Comments:
This is hilarious. I am shocked that they even let you in the place.
Shock317 at 11:56AM on 04/20/09
Haha. Amazing.
Prairie at 12:10PM on 04/20/09
Actually, Artichoke was great. The crust isn't as thick as it used to be, making the whole ordeal easier to put down. The ingredients are still money in the bank, although I should disclose that it probably tasted even better to me since I had already had a few pints in me.
And yes, this was the same lady that accompanied me at Flatbread. She's still my best friend though, so it's cool.
DustinM at 12:15PM on 04/20/09
I've been to that very CEC's and had the pie. I have kids and have had "pizza" at most of the major kid attractions in the 5 boros and they are all bad (note the quotes). At one point I was considering a Slice write-up of how bad the pizza really is at most of the places kids love to go on a Saturday afternoon. I didn't do it for fear of sullying my own reputation as a pizza snob and for fear that Adam would ban me from the site at the mere mention of such heresy.
BrianPrestonCampbell at 1:51PM on 04/20/09
When you look like I do, it's hard to get a table for one at Chuck-E-Cheese.
-Zach Galifianakis
moesizlacks at 3:05PM on 04/20/09
I never liked their food...I just liked their video games. It's not like I was a foodie as a kid either. My favorite childhood pizza was Papa John's (and yes, I still like Papa John's, though obviously it's not my favorite anymore). I used to get the hot dog...not because it was a good hot dog, mind you, but because there was less food to get down before I could play video games. Not that long ago I took my little cousin there. I forgot my rule and figured I was hungry and ordered a large BBQ chicken pizza. Bleh! What a mistake. I think she liked it though...or maybe she just ate fast so she could play video games too.
cycorider at 6:46PM on 04/20/09
Every time I read something about Chuck E. Cheese it's always about some violence that happened there. People have speculated that's because at a kid's party divorced parents both show up and one thing leads to another. Combine that possibility with tons of screaming kids. Wow, you are one brave man.
chascates at 9:59PM on 04/22/09