Totino's Pizza Rolls: How Can You Not Love Them?
How can you not love Totino's Pizza Rolls? As Tupper Cooks! said, "Totino's Pizza Rolls are a classic."
Yeah, sure, for something with a 40-plus-long ingredient list on the box, it's a little disconcerting what might be in there, but they're absolutely compelling and addictive. As I found out when cooking these things up in the Slice/Serious Eats office. Not one person (of the 6 or 7 people in the office) refused a pizza roll when I brought the sampling dish around from desk to desk.
And they didn't last very long after I put them out on the "these have been photographed, now eat as you please" conference table.
The only thing wrong with pizza rolls is that you feel like such a damn kid eating them. Also, they are mouth-scaldingly hot just after they come out of the oven but cool off to lukewarm mehishness seemingly within the time it takes to eat two of them. They're like the bananas of the pizza-snack world: There's a sliver-thin window of time when they're perfectly ripe temperature-wise.
We tried them both microwaved and toaster-ovened. Unsurprisingly, they are much better from a toaster oven, though they take ten times as long. But, whatever, that's still a 10-minute bake for a crisper crust.
One warning: Do not overcook. Like a lot of pizza snacks, I would find out, Pizza Roll innards have a tendency to ooze from their skin when they get too hot.
Oh, and, don't worry, ratbuddy, I'll be talking about Amy's pizza snacks soon....