Types of Pizza-Crust Eaters

A pile of crusts, or "pizza bones." Photograph by Robyn Lee

As evidenced by a recent Talk thread, people have various styles of handling pizza crust. Herewith, a glossary of crust eaters:

• No Matter What: They always eat it, good or bad. It's part of the pizza package deal. Or maybe Mom and Dad just taught them to clean their plates
• If It's Good: These people judge on a case-by-case basis. But what is good? This depends, which makes for subgroups such as chewy-selective, crispy-selective, and so on
• Ladylike: Please don't turn this into a sexist thing, this just means eating with silverware. (Though most silverware users just pick up the darn thing once they hit the crust)
• Will I Break My Teeth? If it's too rock hard, forget it. They would rather save the dental bills
• Dippers: Where's the ranch dressing? Extra tomato sauce? Olive oil? God forbid eating a naked crust!
• Moody: Whenever I feel like it, OK? Leave me alone
• Crust Haters: Never!
• Crust Non-Believers: Per real St. Louis–style pizza, there should be no crust Says a reader: "The biggest local chain has ads poking fun at what people do with their pizza edges—wreaths for the front door, art-gallery-style jewelry, 'rings' around Saturn in kids’ science projects and so on"

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